In February 2015 I turned 39. It was a birthday
filled with mixed feelings; feelings of Thankfulness and feelings of sadness.
Thankfulness for being Me....for trying to understand and loving me, gentle
sadness with pure simple thoughts of it took me 39 years to start learning and
appreciating me, life, love ......in my silent moment on that day I ask myself
how did I allow myself to be in my 30s before I understood the meaning of living,
why did I waste so much years struggling when life can be as simple as I make
it? But then on second thoughts I say to myself I am glad it took that long for
the learning was worth it... I know why I am here ...life... I am glad that I
found out the simple things that makes life great, the simple beautiful logic
behind life before my 40th birthday ...which to me is to love and to be
grateful for this amazing experience we call life. This thought makes me happy
for I realize that my life is just beginning...... And my learning is just opening
up to more and more, I am like a vacuum getting filled up with knowledge every
second.
Now I understand the concept of being quite, of
being alone and knowing me, the concept of loving and giving without expecting anything,
the meaning of selflessness. I think I know a bit on all this and my heart is
open to learning more and more each day as the sun comes up
At different points of my 30s I have learnt so
many vital lessons, some through very painful experiences and some while just
being me the 'aha' moment comes. Life I have realize is the way you make it, it
is all disco with bright lights if you want it and it is all so sad and
difficult, swallowing you in misery if you let it.....taking things as the come
and accepting it fully and living it fully has brighten up very dark moments
for me, it has not been easy but then nothing ever was or everything ever
is….it all depends on how you look at it.
....but who am I ........at 39 I am still
exploring , still learning and still taking aback by the beauty called life....
now I can laugh over things, smile and define what I want in a charming way, get angry, jealous ,
pained and more but I remember to breath and I remember to remind myself that
it is just life and I can sit here and have tantrums or just be grateful ,
accept and learn more and grow more and just live in the moment, I have learnt
in life tantrums don't get you anywhere , it is just a filled up , crowded bus
stop with so many passengers waiting and so I have learn to pack my bags light
and hop on the camel and hump up and down than wait at the bus stop......... It
makes my journey faster and easier
Simple pleasures, quite moments and gentle
kisses and hugs from my adorable boys sparks my day , I realize that living
life fully at all moments and appreciating everything that comes my way brings
much more happiness. I realize love is not something I wish for; it is
something I am, something I do, something I give away and vibrate in ....it is
me ....I am love in its purest form.
Understanding that everyone around me is
"me" in a different form and humans are a race of One , reminding
myself that we are all one ,with the same air to breath and one earth to house
us all but diverse in our own little ways... Understanding the beauty in God
and my oneness with God in a unique and gratifying way has made me strong and
free. To me the appreciation that Life is all about learning and acceptance in
our diversity as humans has made me see the beauty in everyone and in
everything that I do and I am still learning all these in my 30s.
Sometimes in awe of life I ask myself did I
learn to slow , did I miss so many learning opportunities and special moments
because I was blind for so long , did things that would have made me different
past me by? I wonder but then it downed on me that from my birth to me being 39
was a learning experience and things that past me by , things I did not realize
till now and those moments that I assumed lost were all part of my
learning....this is the time that I chose to open up to who I am and to see the
world in all of its beauty . So no time was lost...no moments were lost....
Things are the way they are supposed to be and my alignment is in tune.
So , I am 39 still trying to love life and live
life to the fullest I can with 2 adorable boys and a great man beside me that
are all part of my learning and my gratitude to this life , And most of all to myself
as I grow in understanding of who and what I am , what is my purpose in this beautiful and
amazing thing ....experience ....concept....growth...we call LIFE.
